S3-Day 8: No Hands Required

“The scars you cannot see are the hardest to heal.” 

In the beginning, I thought my relationship-struggles were typical marital woes everyone faced as newlyweds. I was determined to work through the battles I constantly faced. But the turmoil was relentless. I was at home while he worked. “I’ll take care of you”, he said. 

Being Christian wasn’t enough, he and his family forced me to convert to Catholicism. I did it hoping it would prove how devoted I was to him. He would not allow calls from my parents neither did he talk to them. In the rare occasions that he did, he verbally abused them. He also took credit cards in my name when I had no source of income. So here I was emotionally, financially and completely dependent on this man. 

Someone or something would cause a trigger reaction where there would be arguments, threats, and intimidation, then denial, blaming, and saying I or my parents caused him to act that way. He looked at me in complete indignation. Dark brown eyes filled with rage. It made my chest tighten, heart pound and felt like something was crushing my lungs. There was never an apology. I became invisible with my feelings. I wish I had a black eye or broken a bone to show for the pain inflicted. Soon I gathered enough courage to leave the marriage. 

Ephesians 5:22 – ‘Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.’ - does it mean that the wife must obey him in everything? To submit does not mean to obey; it means to willingly choose to place oneself under another. It is always done in the context of love. Did Jesus demand, or offer people choices? 

Ephesians 5:23 – ‘For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Saviour.’ Does this mean that the man has all the right to assert power over because he is the head? What does the example of Christ as the head of the church tell us about the kind of headship a husband has to model? Does ‘headship’ mean superiority or does it mean humility and the laying down of power in sacrificial love? 

The Christ model was never forced – it was a choice. It also meant His being willing to lay down His life for His bride, the church. The Ephesians verse goes on to say: ‘Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church’ (Ephesians 5:25). 

God is unconditional love. We can choose to demonstrate our love for God and to reflect God’s love for us by having loving and healthy relationships. God never humiliates or belittles us, therefore, we anyone who loved another must treat them with respect. 

Abused women look for meaning from their faith community. If they are being abused, they seek to understand why this is happening. When a woman meets silence, she draws her own conclusions, often based on patriarchal assertions about gender-relations, that the ultimate sanctity of marriage is the importance of forgiveness. 

May we as the church make sure she hears about God’s love and the equality among humankind and call her out from bondage and oppression into freedom. Every man should be held accountable and repent if he is the perpetrator. This is justice. This is the gospel in context. 

Prayer 

O God, our comforter, heal your people’s wounds and transform our brokenness. Grant us courage and wisdom, humility and grace, so that we may act with justice and find peace in you. Amen. 

Author: Keerthana Rajkumar 

About the Author: Keerthana is a doctor. She studied Medicine in Russia and her Post-Graduation in Cardiology in the United Kingdom. Her life’s experiences laid the foundation for her strong faith in Gods unending mercy and undeserving grace. She loves her work and believe it as her calling. She is an avid reader, poet and loves swimming. She also enjoys the company of her cousins, friends and family, who still remain her biggest and strongest support system.