S3-Day 28: Is Home Where My Heart Is?

I love stories. I’ve also realized that stories can be used to shatter the lives of people, but it can also humanize. Stories can break the dignity of someone but also bring dignity. I’ve often wondered how the same story when voiced out can be used to humanize and break the dignity of the victim all at the same time. Stories of abuse do that. It forcefully thrusts you in a state of flux. A vicious circle, that makes you compromise on your dignity and abuse, believing and hoping that there will be an end to the present circumstances.

John 5: 8 says, Jesus said to him, “Stand up, take your mat and walk.” This encouraging verse reiterates that Jesus opposed the dominant rules of those times and acknowledged the need to stand up for the right things at all circumstances (even on a Sabbath). Pick up ourselves when we need it the most and walk believing in the God of life. 

I’ve heard many stories of abuse; I’ve witnessed many too. It leaves me angry and confused. But as a Christian, because of my faith journey, I’ve always managed to learn that despite the struggles we face there are always multiple alternatives awaiting us. The process of healing also begins there. Through the evolving process of healing we also learn to move forward in life just like the man who was healed by Jesus. The man was told to do what Jesus had asked him to do. He believed and at the same time he took his mat (can be viewed as his belonging, thought processes, ideas and past baggage) and walked (move on).

I have managed to pen down this poem on domestic violence after listening to a story of a mother and daughter. These are the lines of the poem. 

Is home where my heart is?

Battling through life’s constant struggles,

The pain and trauma it leaves behind,

Hindering not the family’s “bond”, I feel a funeral in my brain.

As dawn breaks, the “door” of a place wide open into a space,

Mother, startled, wakes to see the miseries set afresh before her;

Scared, she wakes her daughter;

through the open door, a silent battlefield is all they see.

Holding mamma’s hand, I try to face the world around us,

Why alone I wonder?

Men brag, crave authority, yet are unseen in this “womanly” trap.

Struck with idealistic notions left unfulfilled, Life, like a royally crumpled paper awaits to be scribbled upon.

Why then does a mother need her husband?

Merely to wait in silence to be objectified or

Be pushed to accept the life of torture that awaits her?

Everything remains a secret, silenced by men.

A hidden “noise” thumps my heart,

Perplexed, I fight our battle,

Not to prove to men,

But merely with no choice left.

Detached from her homeland, trusting, aspiring, depending,

Mother walked into a “heaven”.

Least did she know it was hell amidst a “heavenly” abode.

Yet she strived, failing forever and

Bore her “wound - less” state.

Hopes lost, she lived for her children.

Worthless she felt,

What else could a poor woman do?

Nobody knew her struggles, her silent fear nor her pain

All she could do was yield to fate and fight her battles “still”.

Unravelling challenges did not seem difficult anymore,

With the ebb and flow of time any situation seems challengeable.

But it is the mind that plays tricks of loneliness and anxiety,

Leaving us completely bewildered.

Relationships strike a war with the mind and emotions.

merely silencing my outside world.

The mind works without ceasing, my real world seems completely ceased.

Can the mind be held without fear or the head held high?

Oh! It makes me wonder if I could ever capture that sight!

This poem only makes me wonder about the disastrous effect of marriage on the life of the woman and the daughter. The woman was not brought out of her circumstances but was labelled as being a psychiatric patient, a mad woman. Stories were stirred about her just so that her husband could have his ways. Nobody paid attention to the abuse the women faced but wanted to protect the institution of family. The deception of having a better family life continued and brought no relief. 

Marriage is often interpreted as a blessed gift from God. Anything that breaks this institution is seen as a sinful act. This happens within and outside of marriage. This also hinders the process of getting out of marriage further removing the woman of her dignity and identity in a place where there is no respect for her. Our society’s idea of a woman is to most often prepare her for marriage and fail to prepare the man as well. The women themselves do not stand by each other often. Psychological trauma and abuse are never easily given a voice. Mental abuse is also not given the due recognition it deserves. Removed of her dignity and respect the woman only begins to internalize her negativity and blame herself for all the problems caused in the institution of family.

Jesus in the passage stood against the dominant rule of his time by healing the lame man. Similarly, we are called to stand up! Stand up not just through our physical actions but through the act of listening and become tellers of what is interpreted as being right. Listening to be helpful in a way the speaker wants to be heard. Listening not because you just want to respond. Tellers of stories that mould individuals and not dominant institutions. We are called to join hands in solidarity with women who face domestic abuse and help them out of it and not bind them with our own view points and live through the life of abuse. 

It is time we challenge institutions with a daring spirit, stand up, pick up our mats and walk in the right ways just as Jesus did. Healing is a slow process. It takes time but through the evolving process of healing we bring back dignity to the individual self. 

Prayer

O God teach us to stand up for the call for justice. We pray for those whose struggles are longing to be heard. We pray for women, children and men who go through domestic abuse but are stripped of their voice to speak-up. We beseech you to enable us to learn to pick ourselves and others around us when we and they need it the most. In Jesus name, Amen!

Author: Diana Sushmitha

About the Author: Diana works as an Assistant Professor in English at Bishop Cotton Women's Christian College and is also a Research Scholar.