S3-Day 29 The Obnoxious Divorce

“ I had lots of dreams and aspirations from my married life but I never got them fulfilled, instead it resulted in a life of sorrow, pain, abuse, constant fights, disrespect, mistrust, unhappy stories each day of life. I wanted to save my marriage and made a lot of compromises, prayed a lot, but nothing really worked. My life has been shattered after my marriage and it almost became a hell. I struggled every day that I even had attempted suicide as I struggled to remain in my marriage. The only option which was left for me was to opt for a divorce.” 

This is one of the many stories that I have heard about divorce that made me ponder on this topic. 

There are these popular “beliefs” that our society holds onto like, “marriages are instituted by God,” and “marriages are made in heaven.” Yet there are several marriages that break, and these beliefs fall short, questioning if marriages are really made in heaven or instituted by God. 

If God instituted marriage in the Garden of Eden, why then do marriages dissolve? This notion is so strong among Christians that even dreadful and life-threatening disputes between the married partners are often suppressed by family/society. Partners are asked to compromise to continue their relationship, quoting biblical verses, or statements like: “God hates divorce,” “you are going against the divine plan,” and so on. The bitterness-stricken marital couple who go through such a dark phase in their marital life, are forced to agree that their path to liberation was wrong and divorce is an evil. 

Christian marriages are solemnized with the affirmation, “What God has joined let no one separate”, but there are instances where Moses issues a divorce (Deuteronomy 24) and Jesus agrees for divorce with conditions (Matthew 5:32). However, the affirmation that God binds people together, is undeniable. Marriage is a bond between individuals, who choose to live together in love, trust and hope for a better life despite challenges. 

Marriage is a bond of love which is intended by God, no doubt, but when it turns out as the bondage of dehumanization and brutalization, God hates it. Furthermore, Jesus agrees for divorcing such adulterated abhorrent marriages (Matthew 5:32) to deliver the partners from such brutalized bondage of marriage. The term “adultery” used in this verse could be interpreted not only as the sexual activity outside one's marriage but also the loss of trust, dignity, respect, companionship, hope and optimism between partners. Thus, living in such adulterated marriages goes against the idea of God’s intended purpose of love and the sacredness of companionship.

Partners in disputed marriages go through immense mental stress, anxiety, trauma, pessimism and so on scuffling for their survival. Despite the efforts to save marriage through counselling, trying hard to solve disputes by reworking on themselves and trying to renew their relationship, they decide to divorce as an adulterated marital-life is never a way out to live a life in all its fullness. Often, the society fails understand that life stagnates not only for the partners but also for the families including children (if any) those who are forced to live in such unpleasant marriages.

Society treats “marriage” superior to “divorce.” Thus, “divorce” is considered obnoxious, and divorcees are hated, looked-down at, taunted, tortured, not welcomed, not given dignity or equal opportunity making divorce a dirty reality. In the process of demonizing divorce, society continues to discriminate, making them feel unwanted or undesired or even breaking them into pieces with harsh words, weird looks or behavior. 

In the present context with the increasing numbers of divorce cases, we need to pay heed to people with dignity and love of Christ who are separated/divorced or in disputed marriages, without being judgmental, understanding the fact that sometimes even “divorce” delivers the partners from the clutches of obnoxious marriages. 

As community of Christ, let us not push a divorced/separated person into the purgatory of hatred, fault-finding or criticism but instead help them be relieved and re-live a life with its abundance that God intends.  

Prayer

God of life, help us not to discriminate people who are divorced/separated but grant us the understanding to be empathetic towards their pain and struggle and to embrace them with your love so that they would live a life of abundance with a hope of a better future. 

Author: B Silpa Rani

About the Author: Silpa hails from Balangir, Odisha and belongs to the Diocese of Sambalpur, Church of North India. She has completed her Bachelor of Divinity from Bishop’s College, Kolkata and Master of Theology (Old Testament) from the United Theological College, Bangalore. She is presently working as the Assistant Professor in the Department of Old Testament and also serving as the Dean of Studies in Bishop’s College Kolkata.