“But now I see that being alone doesn’t mean that I have to be lonely.”
-Enola Holmes
I am usually very indifferent about the subject of ‘Single Women.’ Not because, probably for the longest time, I was able to relate to it but because for the longest time in my life, there was nothing about it for me to worry – or I thought so. Well, just like how it takes a great deal of company to realize that you are lonely, it does take a great deal of a relationship to be conscious of your singleness.
I never thought I would say this but being a single woman is challenging. But it was only after my first break-up that I realized how obsessed I could be with the idea of dating and how even subconsciously it was synonymous to happiness. I remember the day I was angry at God for my singleness. I was crying with music on, way past my bedtime (I had an exam the next day), wondering why God would let this happen to me when the guy I dated was from a good family, had a good amount of respect for women and, oh, above all was Christian (that being the most important, isn’t it?). Usually for us women, we boil down our expectations of the ideal guy to overly simplistic ideas because we were never taught to expect too much from our partners. Even having things like ‘compatibility’ or ‘being on the same page’ as criteria could be viewed as demanding because it further narrows our options down. It’s almost like to be happy I must settle down, and to settle down I must compromise to a very basic criteria to find that one guy.
My point is that we as women (as individuals actually) crave for intimacy beyond sexual needs of our bodies. We crave for the belongingness and the homely feeling from another person so much more than what the body can satisfy. If I had to compare the two to what I put on my plate, it would be like choosing between a burger and dal roti. While the burger is what I would want to binge on, come adulthood and I realize that I while I would enjoy the burger occasionally, I need the dal roti to sustain me. It’s almost the same when it comes to our intimacy. While we do enjoy physical intimacy because we have been created to enjoy it, our mind and souls need their nourishment and exercise to sustain ourselves, our partners and our relationship. I am not shunning sexual intimacy here, but I am pointing out that when you look back to a strong relationship (friend/lover/family), you do realize that it was the intimacy of the mind and the soul that added value and nutrition.
That is what makes singleness challenging. Not the idea of being single. But the thought that will a feminist, queer affirming, science enthusiast, politically vocal liberal Christian like me, find someone who is willing to be with me, ever? Now that is what I call, a dirty fear of singleness.
Prayer:
Dear Lord, give me the strength to discover what mettle I have inside of me before I choose to give myself to another person. Amen.
Author: Sharon Mary Eappen
About the Author: Sharon Eappen is currently pursuing her Bachelor of Technology in Biotechnology and is an avid thinker and observer. She is extremely curious and blogs about her musings at leisure. She is also a Missionary-Kid, raised in an Indian Christian household, giving her the opportunity to unravel the different layers of the Christian world ever since she was a teenager.
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