S3-Day 31: “Dress Properly:” Why only me?

I was travelling with my friend in a car. She was browsing through her Facebook. She came across a picture of a woman in Saree. She showed it to me saying, “the way you Indian’s drape a Saree is so revealing. It shows your back and your waist.” I was not very happy with her comment. I felt she was insulting my traditional attire and wanted to counter her. So, I replied saying, “according to me even I feel that your clothes are revealing as it shows your legs.” Years passed by. Now when I think of that conversation, I realize, both our cultures are very patriarchal. They objectified bodies of women and tell us which body part is moral to be revealed and which should not be revealed. This objectification of the body sadly begins in the family and cemented by the Church. 

There was an activity which was carried out among the youths of a Church. They were asked to have a good look at themselves and then write a few lines describing themselves in relation to what they have heard about body in the church. Most of the young boys wrote, “The person in the mirror is a man and he is made in the image of God. The man in the mirror is fearfully and wonderfully made.” The girls though had a different story to tell, “The person in the mirror is a woman. She has gone through lot of difficulties, because as a woman she was told that she would not be able to do many things. In relation to her body she was told to dress properly so that she should not distract men.” 

No sooner, when the girl attains puberty she is told how to sit, how to stand, how to laugh and most importantly how to dress. The main topic during Confirmation classes, mostly revolve around how one must be dressed for church. Women are made extra mindful of their dressing. They are told that they should be properly dressed as they should not distract the men. They are not told this directly but are told in a subtle way like, the Church is the Holy dwelling place of God and it must be respected. What is the logic? I never understood. I would often think, “If it was actually through clothes that humans were supposed to give God glory, God would have created human beings with clothes. Does not the word of God tell us that God looks at our heart?” 

Remember: 

When we tell our girls to dress properly, we make them internalize that they are objects of seduction. 

When we tell girls to dress properly, we make them believe it is fine for men to disrespect them. 

When we tell girls to dress properly, we shame their beautiful bodies God created. 

When we tell girls to dress properly, we teach our boys that women's bodies can be abused. 

When we tell girls to dress properly, we tell our boys the bodies of woman are properties of men. 

When we tell our girls to dress properly, we instruct our boys that the character of woman should be judged by the length of her clothes.

When we tell our girls to dress properly, we inscribe in their hearts, their bodies are dirty. 

As a community of faith, it is required of us to be responsible for the well-being of each other. With all the violence that is perpetrated over bodies of women, let the words of Jesus in the Gospel of Matthew 5: 27-28 remind all of us, especially men, “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” 

Prayer 

God of love pardon us for what we have indirectly told our girls. Instead of teaching our boys, we made the girls/women feel they are nothing but object. Guide us further to correct all our teachings so that we treat our children as equals for you, O God, have created us. In Jesus name. Amen. 

Author: Anonymous

S3-Day 30: God With Those Who Are Sick

Reflecting Verse:

“I will not leave you, nor forsake you” -Hebrew 13: 15 

It was when I was in my final year of my University degree, I got sick and had to discontinue my studies. Initially, I thought it was not serious at all. I believed I will be healed after some time. However, what followed were painful ordeals of visiting hospital after hospital for consultation, checkups, tests, and medications. The most difficult moments were waiting for medical reports after every checkups and tests. Gradually as years went by God restored my health. God restored life and what I missed out during my years of sickness, as God spoke through Prophet Joel in the Bible: “I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten.”

The challenge, however, I face till today is the prejudice because of the health issues I had years back. In our society, if a person had health issues, especially a female, the prejudice and stigma remains forever in her life. I am always judged and criticized by my sickness and my health condition is used to belittle me. The health of the woman, not her personhood, is often the defining factor of her “worth.” After a certain period, most friends and relatives gave up on my prolonged sickness. 

During the initial years of my sickness, I used to ask God, through prayers, to give me signs of assurance that God really exists and is journeying with me. There were times when I did not feel like going on. I vividly remember, one day as I was taken on a stretcher for scanning, there was this frame on the corridor of the hospital with words from Hebrew 13:15 “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” I felt assured of God being there even at this time of my sickness. God does not give up on us nor  does God tire away to care during prolonged sicknesses. I felt God’s presence through the scripture, prayers and encouragements from God’s people who gathered around me and my family. 

In spite of prejudices and negativity, God’s assures and is really present with people who go through different sicknesses. God does not judge or belittle the sick, instead God accompanies and heals throughout our sicknesses. How do we care for those who are sick? Do we discriminate them for their sickness? If God is a healer, God’s people must be agents of healing. Are you God’s agent of healing? 

Prayer

Even though we walk through the valley of the shadow of death, God you are there with us. You never fail nor abandon us. You bless us, those who are sick or had been sick and faces discrimination. In Jesus’ name. Amen. 

Author: Anonymous

S3-Day 29 The Obnoxious Divorce

“ I had lots of dreams and aspirations from my married life but I never got them fulfilled, instead it resulted in a life of sorrow, pain, abuse, constant fights, disrespect, mistrust, unhappy stories each day of life. I wanted to save my marriage and made a lot of compromises, prayed a lot, but nothing really worked. My life has been shattered after my marriage and it almost became a hell. I struggled every day that I even had attempted suicide as I struggled to remain in my marriage. The only option which was left for me was to opt for a divorce.” 

This is one of the many stories that I have heard about divorce that made me ponder on this topic. 

There are these popular “beliefs” that our society holds onto like, “marriages are instituted by God,” and “marriages are made in heaven.” Yet there are several marriages that break, and these beliefs fall short, questioning if marriages are really made in heaven or instituted by God. 

If God instituted marriage in the Garden of Eden, why then do marriages dissolve? This notion is so strong among Christians that even dreadful and life-threatening disputes between the married partners are often suppressed by family/society. Partners are asked to compromise to continue their relationship, quoting biblical verses, or statements like: “God hates divorce,” “you are going against the divine plan,” and so on. The bitterness-stricken marital couple who go through such a dark phase in their marital life, are forced to agree that their path to liberation was wrong and divorce is an evil. 

Christian marriages are solemnized with the affirmation, “What God has joined let no one separate”, but there are instances where Moses issues a divorce (Deuteronomy 24) and Jesus agrees for divorce with conditions (Matthew 5:32). However, the affirmation that God binds people together, is undeniable. Marriage is a bond between individuals, who choose to live together in love, trust and hope for a better life despite challenges. 

Marriage is a bond of love which is intended by God, no doubt, but when it turns out as the bondage of dehumanization and brutalization, God hates it. Furthermore, Jesus agrees for divorcing such adulterated abhorrent marriages (Matthew 5:32) to deliver the partners from such brutalized bondage of marriage. The term “adultery” used in this verse could be interpreted not only as the sexual activity outside one's marriage but also the loss of trust, dignity, respect, companionship, hope and optimism between partners. Thus, living in such adulterated marriages goes against the idea of God’s intended purpose of love and the sacredness of companionship.

Partners in disputed marriages go through immense mental stress, anxiety, trauma, pessimism and so on scuffling for their survival. Despite the efforts to save marriage through counselling, trying hard to solve disputes by reworking on themselves and trying to renew their relationship, they decide to divorce as an adulterated marital-life is never a way out to live a life in all its fullness. Often, the society fails understand that life stagnates not only for the partners but also for the families including children (if any) those who are forced to live in such unpleasant marriages.

Society treats “marriage” superior to “divorce.” Thus, “divorce” is considered obnoxious, and divorcees are hated, looked-down at, taunted, tortured, not welcomed, not given dignity or equal opportunity making divorce a dirty reality. In the process of demonizing divorce, society continues to discriminate, making them feel unwanted or undesired or even breaking them into pieces with harsh words, weird looks or behavior. 

In the present context with the increasing numbers of divorce cases, we need to pay heed to people with dignity and love of Christ who are separated/divorced or in disputed marriages, without being judgmental, understanding the fact that sometimes even “divorce” delivers the partners from the clutches of obnoxious marriages. 

As community of Christ, let us not push a divorced/separated person into the purgatory of hatred, fault-finding or criticism but instead help them be relieved and re-live a life with its abundance that God intends.  

Prayer

God of life, help us not to discriminate people who are divorced/separated but grant us the understanding to be empathetic towards their pain and struggle and to embrace them with your love so that they would live a life of abundance with a hope of a better future. 

Author: B Silpa Rani

About the Author: Silpa hails from Balangir, Odisha and belongs to the Diocese of Sambalpur, Church of North India. She has completed her Bachelor of Divinity from Bishop’s College, Kolkata and Master of Theology (Old Testament) from the United Theological College, Bangalore. She is presently working as the Assistant Professor in the Department of Old Testament and also serving as the Dean of Studies in Bishop’s College Kolkata. 

S3-Day 28: Is Home Where My Heart Is?

I love stories. I’ve also realized that stories can be used to shatter the lives of people, but it can also humanize. Stories can break the dignity of someone but also bring dignity. I’ve often wondered how the same story when voiced out can be used to humanize and break the dignity of the victim all at the same time. Stories of abuse do that. It forcefully thrusts you in a state of flux. A vicious circle, that makes you compromise on your dignity and abuse, believing and hoping that there will be an end to the present circumstances.

John 5: 8 says, Jesus said to him, “Stand up, take your mat and walk.” This encouraging verse reiterates that Jesus opposed the dominant rules of those times and acknowledged the need to stand up for the right things at all circumstances (even on a Sabbath). Pick up ourselves when we need it the most and walk believing in the God of life. 

I’ve heard many stories of abuse; I’ve witnessed many too. It leaves me angry and confused. But as a Christian, because of my faith journey, I’ve always managed to learn that despite the struggles we face there are always multiple alternatives awaiting us. The process of healing also begins there. Through the evolving process of healing we also learn to move forward in life just like the man who was healed by Jesus. The man was told to do what Jesus had asked him to do. He believed and at the same time he took his mat (can be viewed as his belonging, thought processes, ideas and past baggage) and walked (move on).

I have managed to pen down this poem on domestic violence after listening to a story of a mother and daughter. These are the lines of the poem. 

Is home where my heart is?

Battling through life’s constant struggles,

The pain and trauma it leaves behind,

Hindering not the family’s “bond”, I feel a funeral in my brain.

As dawn breaks, the “door” of a place wide open into a space,

Mother, startled, wakes to see the miseries set afresh before her;

Scared, she wakes her daughter;

through the open door, a silent battlefield is all they see.

Holding mamma’s hand, I try to face the world around us,

Why alone I wonder?

Men brag, crave authority, yet are unseen in this “womanly” trap.

Struck with idealistic notions left unfulfilled, Life, like a royally crumpled paper awaits to be scribbled upon.

Why then does a mother need her husband?

Merely to wait in silence to be objectified or

Be pushed to accept the life of torture that awaits her?

Everything remains a secret, silenced by men.

A hidden “noise” thumps my heart,

Perplexed, I fight our battle,

Not to prove to men,

But merely with no choice left.

Detached from her homeland, trusting, aspiring, depending,

Mother walked into a “heaven”.

Least did she know it was hell amidst a “heavenly” abode.

Yet she strived, failing forever and

Bore her “wound - less” state.

Hopes lost, she lived for her children.

Worthless she felt,

What else could a poor woman do?

Nobody knew her struggles, her silent fear nor her pain

All she could do was yield to fate and fight her battles “still”.

Unravelling challenges did not seem difficult anymore,

With the ebb and flow of time any situation seems challengeable.

But it is the mind that plays tricks of loneliness and anxiety,

Leaving us completely bewildered.

Relationships strike a war with the mind and emotions.

merely silencing my outside world.

The mind works without ceasing, my real world seems completely ceased.

Can the mind be held without fear or the head held high?

Oh! It makes me wonder if I could ever capture that sight!

This poem only makes me wonder about the disastrous effect of marriage on the life of the woman and the daughter. The woman was not brought out of her circumstances but was labelled as being a psychiatric patient, a mad woman. Stories were stirred about her just so that her husband could have his ways. Nobody paid attention to the abuse the women faced but wanted to protect the institution of family. The deception of having a better family life continued and brought no relief. 

Marriage is often interpreted as a blessed gift from God. Anything that breaks this institution is seen as a sinful act. This happens within and outside of marriage. This also hinders the process of getting out of marriage further removing the woman of her dignity and identity in a place where there is no respect for her. Our society’s idea of a woman is to most often prepare her for marriage and fail to prepare the man as well. The women themselves do not stand by each other often. Psychological trauma and abuse are never easily given a voice. Mental abuse is also not given the due recognition it deserves. Removed of her dignity and respect the woman only begins to internalize her negativity and blame herself for all the problems caused in the institution of family.

Jesus in the passage stood against the dominant rule of his time by healing the lame man. Similarly, we are called to stand up! Stand up not just through our physical actions but through the act of listening and become tellers of what is interpreted as being right. Listening to be helpful in a way the speaker wants to be heard. Listening not because you just want to respond. Tellers of stories that mould individuals and not dominant institutions. We are called to join hands in solidarity with women who face domestic abuse and help them out of it and not bind them with our own view points and live through the life of abuse. 

It is time we challenge institutions with a daring spirit, stand up, pick up our mats and walk in the right ways just as Jesus did. Healing is a slow process. It takes time but through the evolving process of healing we bring back dignity to the individual self. 

Prayer

O God teach us to stand up for the call for justice. We pray for those whose struggles are longing to be heard. We pray for women, children and men who go through domestic abuse but are stripped of their voice to speak-up. We beseech you to enable us to learn to pick ourselves and others around us when we and they need it the most. In Jesus name, Amen!

Author: Diana Sushmitha

About the Author: Diana works as an Assistant Professor in English at Bishop Cotton Women's Christian College and is also a Research Scholar.

S3-Day 27: Dalit Women Bodies: a Text for Dalit women God-Talk

How could they do this inhuman activity? How could they mutilate her body parts and forcefully rape and murder her? How could the government hurry the cremation without letting her family to see her for the last time? Did the law or government not feel anything when her mother’s cry was muted? Where are her constitutional rights? Could feminist voices bring her justice? 

These questions disturb me. They take my sleep away. When I heard the gangrape and murder by dominant caste men on Dalit girl in Hathras, I raged with anger. Though it disturbed the country for a while, rapes on Dalit women are never new; as Dalit women bodies are least considered as bodies with dignity, humanity and reason. 

Being positioned at the bottom of the caste hierarchy, atrocities against Dalit women bodies are normalized and unnoticed. They face physical assault, rape, sexual exploitation, forced prostitution, religiously sanctioned prostitution, kidnapping and abduction, child sexual abuse, naked parade and domestic violence from natal and marital family members. Atrocities against the Dalit women, happens everywhere under the sky which clearly explains the ‘no safe place’ for the Dalit women. 

Body plays a major role in women’s oppression. Body as a surface on which social law, morality and values are inscribed. It becomes marks of one’s social location and positioning. When bodies are given caste, gender, race and class, the violence on bodies worsen. The caste system declares Dalit women to be intrinsically impure and ‘untouchable’, sanctioning social exclusion and exploitation. 

When Dalits resist oppression, land-grabbing, forced labour or sexual assault along with brutal violence is expected. The understanding of Women's bodies and sexualities as the honour of the family and community makes Dalit women weapons in the hands of ruling caste; to silence the Dalit community and also reject the worthiness of their bodily existence to locate them in forever subordinate position. Moreover, Dalit women's sexuality is treated as a property, anytime accessible for the dominant. Victim-shaming serves as another weapon by both dominant caste and also Dalit communities to silence and to further oppress them. 

The “Constitution of India” promises equality, security and freedom for every citizen regardless of religion, class, caste, and gender and we do have Christian Theology that proclaims equality in the image of God but has it been a reality in the lives of Dalit women? They are treated as polluted bodies due to which their bodies continue to suffer under ‘Brahmanical patriarchy’ led society and Church, aren't they? Is our aspiration towards equal ‘humanhood of all’ real? When the bodies crying out of pain and suffering, are made invisible and unheard. They continue to face normalized violence and defined 'lower' status. When Church becomes silent on sexism and casteism; church compromises the injustices and violence against them. 

When Dalit women bodies are reduced to sexual gratification, their existence and personhood in God is murdered. The God in Dalit women bodies is silenced, abused, raped, muted, dirtied and victim shamed and these bodily experiences of Dalit women become starting point for Dalit women God-talk. Their experiences need to be retold again and again and not victim-shamed. It is to realize injustice done on their bodies and it is to regain their dignity and humanity and equality of Dalit women bodies. 

Prayer 

God of Justice, we have been quiet when Dalit woman around us suffer. We ask you to set our hearts on fire and to give us a restless mind so that we might be troubled and break the walls of our comfort to work in solidarity with those of our Dalit sisters who undergo pain. Amen. 

Author: Shobha 

About the Author: Shobha hails from Bangalore, Karnataka. She belongs to the Mar Thoma Church. She has completed Bachelor of Divinity from Dharma Jyoti Vidhya Peeth, Faridabad. She completed her Master of Theology from the United Theological College, Bangalore. She worked as a faculty in the Dharma Jyoti Vidhya Peeth, Faridabad, in the department of Theology and Ethics. Currently she is in the Church ministry along with her husband.

S3-Day 26: Dowry: A Modern-Day Business

A friend of mine who is pursuing her PhD in USA called me a few weeks ago. We were mutually sharing recent life-events. Suddenly, I remembered about another friend’s marriage and shared about the turn of events before and after marriage. While I was telling her that the groom whom she was to be married is a Doctor, she smiled and asked me, “What is the present rate for a Doctor in Jaffna?” I said, “More than 5 million plus a house.” (that’s the dowry a Doctor is given to marry a woman) 

My dear friends in Christ, this is the life-threatening evil that is prevailing in most South Asian countries. The factors that moots the value of dowry depends on educational qualifications, job, place, caste, family background, religion, and even the country of the bride or the groom. I have seen many women who are left unmarried because of their poor family background. And in some extreme situations, they have committed suicide along with their parents. 

As a Christian it is evil to encourage dowry. One must feel ashamed and dirty for being silent when it is exchanged in front of our eyes. The schemes to amass dowry are very crooked. A “diligent” search for rich families, especially those with a lone child, or else they inquire about the salaries and the properties the family owns. Grooms and their parents intend to enquire about family name, caste, community etc. This form of modernized dowry seeking is similar to that of property developers who look investment with profit in the future. This is how women are objectified and commercialized in the name of wedlock. 

The Lord said, “It is not good for the man to be alone” (Genesis 2:18), and after creating the man God made a woman and brought her to the man (Genesis 2:22). Jesus insisted in Matthew that God expected both to be one (Matthew 19:5,6). While giving Eve to Adam, God’s expectation was to make a partner to console each other and accompany in the ups and down of one's life, not to find partners for investment in a well-planned, demanding and abusive business called “MARRIAGE”. 

It is time for us to introspect and question all the injustices that exist around this evil called dowry. I know a person who is now divorced and raising her child with the help of her parents even after paying 2.9 million as dowry. It would be hard for you to would not believe if I said the reason for the divorce was “not paying the balance 600 thousand as the demand was 3.5 million.” Stories of women sent home like this are common to you as well. Just imagine what would their life turn out to be, if there was no one to support them. Yet, there are women who long for a marriage with eyes full of tears; there are women who are also left unmarried; there were women who have committed suicide, and there are women sold for money. Is this the reason for which we believe, God constituted marriage? 

We also all know the story of Jacob. Laban made Jacob work 14 years for his daughters. But in Genesis 31, we can observe that Rachel and Leah were mentioning that “our father has sold us”. It’s a statement that opposes the dowry system. They told this in a context where women were oppressed. 

We as Christ’s community are called to proclaim the Good News to the poor and the needy. We know that many women are being silenced by dominant men and their families. We must raise our voice against this evil. It is our responsibility to identify and bring these issues out those who are affected. It is when we stand in solidarity with the victims of dowry system, we participate in their healing and support them to lead peaceful and dignified lives. Let us at the moment, do what Jesus would have done, “do justice”! 

Prayer 

Dear God, we know that you are the source of love, mercy and peace. We seek justice for the victims of domestic violence. Stimulate our hearts to be agents of your reign, in voicing for justice in this world. Encourage us and the women’s movements to help the affected women everywhere. In Jesus name, we pray. Amen. 

Author: Jennifer Rochelle 

About the Author: Jennifer is a member of the CSI Colombo Church. She is currently working as a teacher at the Ladies’ College, Colombo, Sri Lanka.

S3-Day 25: God Amidst Dirtiness

The word dirty does not truly resonate to us in comparison with the context of those who are less fortunate or vulnerable. How? Have you been called ‘dirty’? Was it by someone or rather some people who are at an economic and/or social high-ground than you are? Or were you told that you are dirty simply because you have soil or mud or dust (actual dirt) smeared on you after a long day’s work or play? If you recall yourself in a situation similar to the latter then you would know such statements were probably directed at your then-present physical-state with regards to personal hygiene. The former however has ulterior notions tagged to it, which are precariously aimed at people, to demean and derogate their personal identity- who they are as individuals, what they represent, where they hail from, etc. 

Now it is possible, that some of us have been subject to a few of these dogmatisms based on gender (since all the writers of this reflection season are women); but what if there are people moving among us that are subject to bigotry founded on faith, beliefs, caste, community, culture, gender, sexual orientation, race age, ethnicity, geographic origins, occupation, physical and/or mental challenges and various other factors? What if these elements are the constructs which lead the privileged to conventionally categorize a vast majority as ‘dirty’? In reality the brutal fact remains that this prejudice doesn’t just suffocate the vulnerable (as being branded dirty and unclean, even unholy) but is also celebrated as an instrument to keep the communal hierarchy from collapsing and in favor toward the self-renowned socially clean. Now you know why I quoted “the word dirty doesn’t truly resonate to us”. 

I would like to further this dialogue with a special concentration drawn on gender, since this is where I’ve had first-hand disparities- Have you been told that as a woman you are dirty during the time of your menstrual cycle? That you can’t worship or offer prayers to God or that you might need to use different utensils or that you can’t touch certain people or be touched by them owing to our uncleanness, even in this day and age? How is it then, 2000 years ago the only human who was (is) truly worthy of being called righteous and holy succeeded in breaking this mould? This Man allowed a woman who was burdened for twelve years with such ‘dirty disorder’ to touch him and be healed. He commended her exceptional courage to act upon her faith (Mark 5: 25-34). 

He tread on terrains that were scorned for its filth, journeyed among those identified as dirty, ate with them that were titled as sinners, healed those who were exiled for their infirmities, associated himself with the lowly and broken, acquainted with the unchaste. Above all, he died for the 'dirty,' just the same as he did for the 'elect.' Inclusivity was his forte and lived so employing radical measures. Within murky waters blooms the lotus: precisely why lotus implicates Christ and is centered as the CSI emblem.

Then why are we, who call ourselves believers in Christ, still hesitant to follow the path He set for us? Why do we allow for some to call the rest dirty? How can we stand-by while a few trod many like trash? 

How many more Anithas have to kill themselves to pursue an education because their social-cadres would not allow them even when they qualify? How many more Hathras daughters should be abused, crushed, murdered and burnt because their community is trade-marked as ‘dirty’? 

Prayer

God of life and love, help us to break barriers that subjugate souls as dirty. You have worked amidst us humans created from dirt, remind us to implore the same love and kindness with our fellow beings, that you have graced us with. –Amen 

Author: Ramya Angelina

About the Author: Ramya is a theology enthusiast, an avid reader, animal lover, environmental conservative, and mystery movie buff. She calls herself an amateur writer. She began by writing reports on church related activities from the perspective of a young person and gradually took to the habit to voice unspoken truth, to bring a feminist’s perspective in spirituality. Currently she works as a Lecturer of Commerce Lecturer.

S3-Day 24: Child Marriage: I too have a VOICE and a Right to LIFE

“Yes, it is, Lord,” she said. “Even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from their master’s table.” 

Mathew 15:27 

I recently saw a very heart wrenching Lebanese film called “Capernaum”, which is a story of a 12-year-old boy named Zain who is convicted for assaulting a man who marries his younger sister. He knows the unfortunate fate of his sister and tries hard to protect her and unsuccessfully fights to stop her marriage. This movie shows his life-story and how he files a civil law suit against his parents, the reason he says is “Because I was born” 

My first experience with Child Marriage was when working among the Warli and Kathkari tribes in Palghar region of Maharashtra, we were invited to a marriage of a girl whose family used to come for church worship. Even though the marriage was being conducted in the tribal traditions, they wanted us to attend and pray for the newly married couple. My very first reaction was reporting to the police and stopping the marriage, be a liberator which as evangelists I thought was our primary concern. But I was educated that the consequence of this action would be the family being ostracized from the community. Additionally, the girl would not be able to marry in future and the probability of the family considering suicide. Thus, I accepted my naivety, but as a mark of protest decided not to attend the wedding ceremony and approve of what is happening by partaking in it. Which of course resulted in us being unpopular among the family and they decided to stop coming for Sunday worship. There were more girls or women like her, I slowly realized during my stay there: 

A young girl would often come to us crying, to pray for her as she was married for more than 2 years and was so heartbroken that she was not able to conceive, her fear of being barren and facing the consequences of that, at a tender age of 17. 

Another young woman mother of a 5-year-old boy, her husband left her for a younger woman. She was without a job, no education, no money and left with the only option to live with her in-laws, with her husband living next doors with his new young bride. Later when this man’s new wife gave birth to a child, his first wife was “magnanimous” enough to take care of the child. The community including the church members from the community valorizing her service and failing to recognize her helplessness disguised as valor and sacrifice. 

In Jesus' name, we strive to take the good news to the marginalized communities and we try to rid them of the “evils” in their culture, but we fail to see the true evils that plague these communities and conveniently turn a blind eye. 

When I saw Zain’s struggle in the movie Capernaum, and how he raised his voice from jail against his parents, his words were defiant, “Life is dog shit, filthier than the shoes on my feet. I am living in hell, I was expecting to be a good man, loved and respected, but even God does not want that. God wants us to be floor mats to be stepped upon”. His words reminded me of the Canaanite women who pleads to Jesus to heal her “demon-possessed” daughter. When Jesus initially responded to her saying, “It is not right to take the children’s bread and toss it to the dogs.” Mathew15:26, she challenges Jesus, negotiates with him for her rights and her daughter’s right to have a whole life. Eventually Jesus grants her wishes and calls her “Woman of Great Faith”. 

Writing this reflection made me realize liberation can only come from our own suffering and understanding those who suffer, and not from the obligation to spread the good news. And hence as Church it is our duty to create spaces for the conveniently ignored voices or voices repressed in the name of culture and tradition. The great faith of these marginalized women and communities is manifested only when they raise their voices to alleviate their sufferings. That is what Jesus did, and what he expects us to do, our great commission.

Prayer

Dear God, help the innumerable children who struggle and fight social evils like child marriage. Give them the courage to raise their voices against such injustices. Help us to understand those who suffer, and thus make spaces for the many unheard voices to be heard. 

Author: Shruti Rajan 

About the Author: Software Professional from Bangalore. Also completed the Diploma in Proficiency in Counselling course from United Theological College, Bangalore in 2018. Belongs to the Marthoma Church and worked as part of the Marthoma Maharashtra Mission, Mumbai Diocese for 2 years among the Warli and Kathkari tribes in Jawhar, Palghar District.

S3-Day 23 Women’s Bodies: Commodified

Nora Fatehi a great dancer and an infamous actress known for her glamorous dance movements in songs which are called as item number in Bollywood. She was labelled dirty because of her appearance in item songs and glamorous roles. In a show called “Troll Police” on MTV, she exposed the derogatory comments she had received from a fake account on Instagram on her photos, even shocked at the rape threats. The perpetrator justified his comments saying that she should face such comments and threats for exposing or revealing herself in item songs and he even further defended himself by saying that it’s his right to comment on such people. This is how women are being portrayed and this is how patriarchal forces defend their abuse over women and the objectification of women and their bodies. 

In television, films, print media, commercials, music videos, there is persistent increase of sexual objectification and exploitation of women. Along with objectification, media and advertising houses have established false and unreal image of women’s physical appearance, body image, and beauty. Today, across television, billboards, glossy pages of magazines, and social media we can see hyper sexualized and unrealistic perfect female forms. Such depiction of women and their bodies dehumanize girls, women and portray them as commodities. Women’s bodies are used to sell everything from car tires to entertainment! 

The media has played havoc on the mental health of young women. The women are forced to feel that their appearances are never up to the mark and they would be accepted and loved only when they fulfill and confirm themselves to conventional beauty standards. This leads them to be underappreciated and immensely affects their confidence. 

Women in the west yield to their own objectification as the demand and pay for porn is alarmingly increasing. Thus, their bodies are materialized and objectified. Many women implicitly consent to such objectification because of the pay and popularity. Thus, patriarchy have victimized women and has increased the violence against them 

According to UNICEF “The objectification and sexualization of girls in the media is linked to violence against women and girls worldwide. 

Media normalizes the act of dominance and aggression against women by constantly showcasing them as objects of pleasure. Boys and men tend to internalize that message, and it influences their subconscious biases of how they view women. They tend to legitimize violence, harassment, and anti-women views and behaviors. 

Boys, from a very early age, are exposed to unrealistic, sexualized images of women everywhere. The roles, and behaviors of women in films, music videos and commercials are too stereotypical and a far cry from equality. Along with objectifying women, glorified male masculinity, male dominance in media and mass media have deep impacts on shaping up a children’s mind. 

If a child is exposed to certain experiences as a part of his/her normal developmental dynamics, they tend to normalize it and develop a lot of unconscious biases towards that experience. These children would grow up to replicate those experiences in their lives as adults. Boys/Men’s learn to dehumanize women and to view them merely as bodies or body parts of pleasures. It causes mental health issues among boys and their unrealistic expectations from women. Women’s sexuality and body interfere with their ability to have a healthy and functional relationship as adults. 

The dirty world of media and social-media have become traps in this world to victimise women. The dirtiness of this world is by virtue of what one wishes to go with what one sees and which is dictates by the entertainment, fashion, beauty and lifestyle trends which objectifies the bodies of women. 

Prayer 

Dear Lord, let us be content with who we are, what we have and where you are leading us. Help us to have a mindset of confidence, courage and thankfulness. Lift all women around the world who are struggling today whether emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually. May we recognize our true worth and value especially when others put us down. Amen 

Author: Edith Karishma Martin 

About the Author: Edith hails from Jabalpur Madhya Pradesh. She belongs to Church of North India Jabalpur Diocese. She completed her Bachelor of Divinity from Bishop’s college, Kolkata. She worked as an Administrative Assistant in CNI. Presently, She is pursuing Master of Theology in the department of Christian Education from United Theological College, Bangalore. 

S3-Day 22: Body Shaming: A Dirty Reflection

When I was a little girl people used to call me names, though it was for fun, I always wondered why am I called by those dirty names? Every time I looked into the mirror I was not happy with my appearance, it grew in anger, rage and hatred towards myself and began feeling. These comments were not only passed by strangers, but by loved ones, relatives and my friends. Commenting on someone’s body, race, size or structure are treated as normal in our society today. This in turn serves as a platform perpetuating violence in church and society. 

Our surrounding is bound by fashion magazines, shows, bill boards, advertisements and movies that portray and demand unattainable thinness and beauty standards for the women, especially the young girls in our society. Thus, forcing them to do anything to achieve the ideal body shape to escape body shaming. In this modern era, beauty is represented cosmetically, and body-parts modifications have become common. We can not deny the fact that these are required to adapt to the femininity construction by the society to be able to fit into the so called ‘beauty-standard.’ 

During the sixteenth century B.C., young Chinese girls’ feet were bound. The act of foot binding included adding layers of bandages non-stop, which slowly putrefied their toes-crushing them under their soles-causing their heels to meet their toes. A perfectly bound foot was three inches long and one and a half inches wide. An unbound foot brought shame, humiliation, dishonour, and societal rejection to the child and family. Likewise, in India it is the beauty creams to get fairer skin tone and dark-skinned people are seen dirty. That is the issue we are addressing. We are not addressing the issue when one chooses to wear make-up but talking about how exactly honour and shame is understood in a given context just by their appearance and beauty standards. This ultimately led to the suicide of many women and girls. 

When we talk about the issue on body shaming we must find the root cause of this issue, which is the toxic behaviour and attitude of Masculinity that demands beauty standards for the women. Our call today is to affirm that we are created beautifully and wonderfully in the image of God. God loves everyone equally no matter what one size, colour, body we are into. As the believers of faith We must follow the commandment by Christ, ‘Love your neighbour Just as yourself’ all our words and deed we must proclaim the love for our neighbour. We should avoid unwanted comments on their body and colour and we must affirm the fullness of life for everyone gifted by God and affirm the dignity and worth of women just as they are created. There are two choices, either shame other like the way you want them to shame you down or love others the way you want to be loved. The choice is yours. 

Prayer 

Creator of the bodies in different shapes, colours, and sizes, help us to comprehend your idea of diversity and stand up against all kinds of body-shaming. Heal those who have been wounded by harsh words and dirty comments. We pray in the name of the one who was shamed, Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen. 

Author: Femila Livingston 

About the Author: Femila completed her Bachelor of Divinity from Bishop’s College, Kolkata and later did her Master of Theology in the Tamilnadu Theological Seminary, Madurai. She has worked with NCCI-ESHA and later with CSI-SEVA, CSI Synod, Chennai. She is currently working as a faculty in the department of theology in the Tamilnadu Theological Seminary, Madurai.

S3-Day 21: Single Parenting: (Re)Discovering Plurality of Families

I have not experienced what it is like to be a parent. Hence, making a statement on parenthood from my unexperienced point of view may sound naïve on the pathos and struggles of parenthood. Yet, while in conversation with single parents and mostly single ‘mothers’ on parenthood, the immediate and frequent response is… “being a single mother is tiring and financially demanding because of the societal pressure to meet the standards of two-parent complementary household and the perfect mother.” Such responses sum up the societal theory of what a family should be like if you want to be included in the perfect social circle. To this, why the perfect mother and why even try to fulfill the societal dream of a perfect normative family? Such questions find its meaning only when we unravel what it means to be ‘Single.’ 

‘Single’ is inherently reduced to being incomplete and wanting. Let alone ‘Single Parenting’ being deficient and lacking because of its inability to fit into the normative family structure that consist of both a mother and a father with children. Such conception keeps orbiting to the extent of demeaning the existence of single parent families as broken families. The society continue to exist on such conception because, the normative/nuclear family is a cultural construction. However, from the Biblical account on parenthood, the normative/nuclear family already has its counter narrative. The story of Hagar is one among the many. 

Genesis 16 and 21 accounts the existence of single parenthood through Hagar, challenging the very notion of the normative family in the Old Testament. She was cast away by those who were supposed to provide support, which many single mothers/parents can identify themselves with. Yet, God makes a promise directly to Hagar without referencing a man/gender, the father of her child, Abraham. Despite her singleness and the rejection, Hagar found favor in God. Hagar’s narrative is the paradigm on which we as Christians must find the essence of being Single, which is not incomplete and wanting, but ‘Wholly Single’ finding favor in God. 

Today what are the kind of languages that we use in our conversations and churches for that matter? By language I intend, the reference to ‘family’ or ‘families’ acknowledging the fact that there exists plurality of families to which we should be sensitive towards. How far have we included families of single parents in the plethora of the church’s discussions? In what forms have we endorsed the ideal two-parent households over single parenthood? The questions are endless to this because there is little that we as followers of Christ have done towards the theology of single parenting. 

Thus what is imperative is, Discovering and Recognizing plurality of families and normalizing the process of single parenthood by choice or out of precarious circumstances. Single parents are vital members of the Reign of God and anyone, in my opinion marking a single parent as someone to be pitied, does not rise even to the dignity of error. 

Prayer 

Gracious God, manifest your presence in the lives of single parents. May you grant them physical and mental well-being. In times of tire need, may you grant them support through the community surrounding them. May your assurance of favor be always upon them. Amen. 

Author: Nokcharenla 

About the Author: Nokcharenla hails from Dimapur, Nagaland. She belongs to Dimapur Ao Baptist Church. She earned her Bachelor of Divinity from Bishop’s College, Kolkata and her Master of Theology in Biblical Studies (Old Testament) from North India Institute of Post Graduate Theological Studies (NIIPGTS), Kolkata. 

S3-Day 20: God During My Infertility

In Indian wedding preparation ceremonies like Haldi and Mehandi are integral and auspicious. A woman with no child of her own is not allowed to apply Haldi to soon to be bride. It is believed that the bride to be may also remain childless. We ostracize infertile couples by regarding them as “bad omens” for young couples. They are often seen as signs of unhappiness and curse, which can be transmitted. 

God made Adam and Eve and placed them in the Garden of Eden, “and God blessed them, and said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and have dominion over it” (Gen 1:28). This verse has many interpretations and is one of the roots for us to impress upon the notion of progeny as blessed, designed and ordained by God. 

From biblical times until now, having babies is considered as a blessing and as Gods favour, while being barren is looked as a curse from God. The Bible depicts the problem of temporary infertility in several stories like, God promised Abraham and Sarah a child, but she did not bear a son, Isaac, until age 90 (Genesis 11: 30). Isaac, Rebekah’s husband, prayed fervently, and God answered, resulting in the births of Jacob and Esau (Genesis 25:21). Rachel prayed, and at long last God “opened her womb.” She bore two sons, Joseph and Benjamin (Genesis 30:1; 35:18). Elizabeth in her old age gave birth to John the Baptist, the forerunner of Christ (Luke 1:7, 36). 

The barrenness of Sarah, Rebekah, and Rachel (the mothers of the Israelite nation) is significant in that their ability to finally bear children was a sign of the grace and favour of God. A notification of a women’s infertility can also serve as a harbinger of the miraculous birth of a divinely chosen male leader, a patriarchal affirmation of hierarchy. 

These all stories create an aura of being blessed and being rejected by God. Infertility is defined as the inability to become pregnant after 12 months of regular, unprotected intercourse. The problem of infertility can be a very difficult one, especially for couples who have looked forward to children all their lives. Christian couples can find themselves asking “Why us, Lord?” 

Surely God wants Christians to be blessed with children to love and nurture. For physically healthy couples, one of the most heart-wrenching aspects of infertility is not knowing whether it is a temporary or permanent situation. If it is temporary, how long must they wait? If it is permanent, how do they know that, and what should be their course of action? 

In today’s world when acceptance from society and God also plays a role in everyone’s life, it becomes much more important to have descendents to carry the blood line and name, with special reference to Indian tradition. 

Being infertile for couple is not only a physical pressure, of feeling incompetent, it revolves around a lot of other factors like, health, who has to be blamed, societal pressure, family pressure and one becomes a pressure cooker. Sounds light but it is very heavy burden to bear. 

We have never explored the avenues of Adoption and being a foster parent. We love what God has said, but we find it difficult to feel one big family with others. Blood line of Jesus as mentioned in Matthew chapter one itself is a reflection for us all, it includes, prostitutes and non-Jews. If Blood line of Jesus is acceptable for us why do we find adoption of a baby to be scrutinized by Purity and whose blood lens? 

If progeny is of so much vital importance then why did God allow Jesus’ blood line to end and start it as a divine progeny irrespective of people’s origin physical state as children of God? 

If we can explore and try answering these questions we will have attitude to respect and support families with infertility issues not condemn or ostracise them for being cursed and impure. 

“Every good and perfect gift is from above...” (James 1:17). Knowing and accepting these truths will go a long way to filling the aches and yearning in the hearts of an infertile couple and society at large. We are more concern today about the infertility of a couple, without being mindful of our infertility at heart to do good and justice (Isaiah 54:1). 

Prayer 

Oh God of life, we confess that we have not been caring and kind to one another as you had commanded us. We were often judgmental and looked down on the couples who do not have children. Help us to respect and support them through loving relationships. Amen. 

Author: Rev. Jyoti Singh Pillai 

About the Author: is the Ordained minister of Church of North India. Currently she is working as an Executive Secretary of Women’s Concern in NCCI.

S3-Day 19: Unequal Employment Opportunities: O God Intervene!

“I wouldn’t have to, I’d already be one,” a strong reply by Mary Jackson to Karl Zielinski who asked, “If you were a white male, would you wish to be an engineer?” in the movie ‘Hidden Figures.’ The movie tells the heroic stories of three African-American women mathematicians at NASA who dealt with racial and gender discrimination at work. They defied the odds and made history in the 1960s. This is just one of the many instances where people created a malignant milieu in different professions, where many, particularly women have been victims, who have endured, battled with and still are, in today’s contemporary context. 

The vices of human, corrupted conduct, sceptical perceptions are some of the major factors that perpetuate dirty social issues and economic inequality. In my study I observe that, women have long been treated as inferior. Gender inequality is an undeniable factor that paves a route to unequal employment opportunities. 

A woman employee may be smart, acquire good qualifications and in addition may have work experience/work skills yet denied of certain jobs or statuses just because of her gender, ethnicity, race, financial status, and many other factors. In some professions, merit qualifications are not helping them either, majorly because of the interviewer’s bias attitude and pre-conceived notions. And those in power, with hostile attitude continue to function with their women employees, made subjected to their, what I would call as “immoral” and “ethically wrong” implications. The patriarchal society has created a pattern in their minds that, no matter how high a woman’s calibre is or how excellent their work ethics may be, they are fit only to be as men’s subordinates. It is evident that women are served unequal opportunities. 

I would say, women are subdued not only in secular arena but in the church ministry and theological vocation as well. Bias employment in some of the churches in our context as far as I have observed. It came as a wave of shock to me when I realised I too am oppressed in this structure of oppression. In some of the cases, women are restrained from ordination, women are regarded as non-eligible to be pastors, and only few platforms are open for women to even “preach and teach”. Is this theologically right? Will our God who is just, call us to serve with reservations and limitations? 

Both men and women in this vocation are equally called by God’s grace and I believe it is wrong to limit a woman’s ability, to humanly define what we can ‘do’ or we can ‘be.’ A church should be an agent of social transformation but sadly some churches comfortably embrace injustice and dirty practices therefore losing its sanctity. 

Since biblical times women have lived a vulnerable and passive life. However, it is the incarnation of Christ that turned the social pyramid upside down, turned the stereotypical tables, and brought dirty issues to light and brought about a paradigm shift in the wrecked social system. It is nearly impossible to eradicate this prolonged issue of unequal opportunities over a short time however, if “words for change” turn into “words for change in praxis”, in a collaborative manner, there is no way that God of Peace (2 Thessalonians 3:16; Psalm 85:8) and Justice wouldn’t intervene (Isaiah 30:18, 61:8). 

Prayer

O God of equality, thank you for loving us just as we are. We pray and seek for your intervention in the lives of those people and leaders with power to use it with wisdom rooted in equality. Strengthen those that are discriminated and suffering. Help them resist difficult times. Above all, give us a heart to be sensitive to other’s grievances, to work collaboratively, to help bridge a connection between God and the communities. This we pray with faith in Jesus. Amen. 

Author: S. Helika Kiba 

About the Author: Helika is currently doing her final year of Bachelor of Divinity from Eastern Theological College, Jorhat, Assam. She is an active member of the Student Christian Movement of India.

S3-Day 18: The dirty fear of Singleness

“But now I see that being alone doesn’t mean that I have to be lonely.” 

-Enola Holmes 

I am usually very indifferent about the subject of ‘Single Women.’ Not because, probably for the longest time, I was able to relate to it but because for the longest time in my life, there was nothing about it for me to worry – or I thought so. Well, just like how it takes a great deal of company to realize that you are lonely, it does take a great deal of a relationship to be conscious of your singleness. 

I never thought I would say this but being a single woman is challenging. But it was only after my first break-up that I realized how obsessed I could be with the idea of dating and how even subconsciously it was synonymous to happiness. I remember the day I was angry at God for my singleness. I was crying with music on, way past my bedtime (I had an exam the next day), wondering why God would let this happen to me when the guy I dated was from a good family, had a good amount of respect for women and, oh, above all was Christian (that being the most important, isn’t it?). Usually for us women, we boil down our expectations of the ideal guy to overly simplistic ideas because we were never taught to expect too much from our partners. Even having things like ‘compatibility’ or ‘being on the same page’ as criteria could be viewed as demanding because it further narrows our options down. It’s almost like to be happy I must settle down, and to settle down I must compromise to a very basic criteria to find that one guy. 

My point is that we as women (as individuals actually) crave for intimacy beyond sexual needs of our bodies. We crave for the belongingness and the homely feeling from another person so much more than what the body can satisfy. If I had to compare the two to what I put on my plate, it would be like choosing between a burger and dal roti. While the burger is what I would want to binge on, come adulthood and I realize that I while I would enjoy the burger occasionally, I need the dal roti to sustain me. It’s almost the same when it comes to our intimacy. While we do enjoy physical intimacy because we have been created to enjoy it, our mind and souls need their nourishment and exercise to sustain ourselves, our partners and our relationship. I am not shunning sexual intimacy here, but I am pointing out that when you look back to a strong relationship (friend/lover/family), you do realize that it was the intimacy of the mind and the soul that added value and nutrition. 

That is what makes singleness challenging. Not the idea of being single. But the thought that will a feminist, queer affirming, science enthusiast, politically vocal liberal Christian like me, find someone who is willing to be with me, ever? Now that is what I call, a dirty fear of singleness. 

Prayer: 

Dear Lord, give me the strength to discover what mettle I have inside of me before I choose to give myself to another person. Amen. 

Author: Sharon Mary Eappen 

About the Author: Sharon Eappen is currently pursuing her Bachelor of Technology in Biotechnology and is an avid thinker and observer. She is extremely curious and blogs about her musings at leisure. She is also a Missionary-Kid, raised in an Indian Christian household, giving her the opportunity to unravel the different layers of the Christian world ever since she was a teenager.