S1-Day 20: God in Dirty Places: Dad’s Battle with Dementia

From my childhood I always observed my late father Rev. Saduri as a majestic alpha-man at the face of challenges, a radiant saint on the altar of the church and a compassionate priest with the people. He won over cancer (1996), waged a prolonged war against Dementia, Alzheimer and Parkinson (2014-18), until a cardiac arrest stole him from us. Dementia is a syndrome in which there is deterioration in speech, memory, thinking, behaviour and the ability to perform everyday activities. However, watching him gradually deteriorate pierced my heart with pain. 

When I saw my father struggling with memory loss, mumbling words and broken thought-process, eyes filled with tears and heart grew dim. He found no ability to perform his everyday activities and routine. He gradually lost words to express himself, his pain, and his needs and so on, along with slowing-down of his bodily movements (Parkinson). At times, he was frightened trying to hide himself, at times he acted like a child with his vulnerability, sometimes he was extremely violent, otherwise he was calm. While we searched for him in places, worried and scared of his whereabouts, he would walk to places like: my mom’s school, grandmother's graveyard or to the diocese office (assuming he was still in service), someone, usually his friends from the place, would call and inform us, so we go pick him up. The fear and anxiety was devastating.  Though his tight hugs when I met him, was ecstatic, the pain was real when he forgot who I was when I video called him. This was a very hard-time for my entire family to see dad go through such a terrible phase in his life. Seeing him in that condition, it was teary prayerful nights all the way through, for all of us in the family. It was our responsibility as family to take care of him, grooming, feeding and cleaning him every day. 

While contemplating on this theme “God in Dirty Places” it really struck my mind to go back memory lane and realize God's love in dirtiness. Yes! I am talking about my father dirtying himself during his vulnerable situation almost every day. Perhaps, it was in this dirtiness that I found love, the love of God. This love, I experienced, when I found my father in need of help, while I cleaned him every day. I used to change his diapers and spent a lot of time for his toiletry routine due to his resistance to accept his situation. It was in such a vulnerable situation, I realized his parental love towards me, with thoughts of how he would have cleaned me when I was a baby. It was that feeling of love that gave me strength and patience to serve him to my heart’s content. This, I believe, is to find “God in dirty places.” 

I strongly experienced God’s love that passed through the vulnerability of my father. This experience made me realize the true meaning of love which enabled me to serve him patiently without complaints and with utmost care. Thus, in this site of dirtiness I experienced God’s presence and God’s love. As it is written in I John 4:8, “Whoever does not love does not know God, for God is love,” which always resonated in my heart when I experienced love, while performing dad's toiletry routine, and ultimately found God in those dirty moments. There are many who suffer terminal illness, a father, a mother, grandparents brothers, sisters or anyone who  just need love, care and patience. Are we challenged to find God in and through their illness, weakness, dirtiness and vulnerability? Are we ready to be instruments of love in their life-struggle for liberation? May this love from such dirty experiences penetrate through our hearts and challenge us to experience God's radical love from places unheard. 

Prayer: 

God of Love, we pray for your healing on those suffering from terminal illness. Grant us your strength to find you among them. Give us your courage to serve them with your love and compassion so that we seek your face among those who suffer. Amen. 

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Author: Vinod Shemron 

About the Author: Vinod earned his Bachelor of divinity from the United Theological College, Bangalore. He completed his internship with the National Council of Churches in India, Nagpur. He served as the Associate Executive Secretary of the Mission and Scholarship Desk of the Student Christian Movement of India, Bangalore. He is presently pursuing Master of Theology in the Department of Christian Theology from North India Institute of Post Graduate Theological Studies, Serampore. His interests are music, drama, poetry and creative writing.

S1-Day 19: “God in Dirty Places: The Realities of a Female Child Sexual Abuse”

Sexual abuse is a criminal activity which, until recent times, has been covered by a society which did not have the courage to face it. The implications of widespread abuse are too unpleasant for most people to contemplate. Consequently, the whole area of child sexual abuse has been surrounded by a culture of silence and denial in the community, including the church. However, the society is hearing about child sexual abuse since from the past few years because many women are beginning to break the silence and tell about their experiences.

Girls and Sexual Abuse

Baker and Duncan suggest child sexual abuse as, “A child (anyone under sixteen years) is sexually abused when another person, who is sexually mature, involves the child in any activity which the other person expects to lead to their sexual arousal.”[i] It is a deliberate and planned misuse of power over children. It commonly involves or coexists with emotional abuse, because it violates the child’s deepest feelings and emotional development.[ii] Women are vulnerable to sexual abuse because of the power of men. Girls are even vulnerable to adult sexual abuse of power because they lack understanding and resources for self-protection.[iii] Even more disturbing is that, according to some study and even from the testimony I have come across so far, most sexual abuse perpetrated within families and by persons who are trusted by the child. So, in this time of pandemic when there is a nationwide lockdown, when help could not reach easily, I am terrified that many girls are in a vulnerable and desperate situation.

The Reality

I have encountered with some women who are sexually abuse as a child. Most of them told that it had been happened over many years and they did not have the courage to tell anyone fearing that they would be looked down. “I am dirty, I am different, I am damaged- and no one will believe me,” was how they usually felt at that time.  They lived with pain and humiliation, fear and distrust. They usually wonder whether there is a loving God out there for them.

God in Dirty Place: Theology and Abuse

The central image of Christ on the cross as the saviour of the world communicates the message of God who puts Godself in a dirty place and eventually becomes dirty. However, the point of the cross was not the suffering but the resurrection. The point was to transform suffering, not remain in it. We are to transform the suffering around us. We are supposed to turn a theology of suffering into a theology of empowerment and life.[iv] It is important to remind ourselves that God’s loving power is vulnerable to evil but not defeated by it. The God in dirty place is also the God in victory.

It is, therefore, our duty to reject the dehumanizing effects of sexual abuse and to project life with courage, hope, and love for God, self, and others. Most importantly, we should not only be familiar with the abuse of girls as a grave issue, but also acknowledge our role in addressing this problem that threatens the lives of many women and families in our society. We need to open our eyes and be sensitive toward the reality of child sexual abuse.

Prayer

Compassionate God, who loves and cares for all of your children, especially the smallest and most vulnerable, we entrust to you the lives of the many children who have been sexually abused, and whose trust and innocence have been destroyed. Help us to hear their pain and even the silent cry of victims and survivors and to take responsibility for so many broken lives. Amen

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Author: Dikteii Chawngthu

About the Author: Dikteii hails from Mizoram, India. She earned her Bachelor of Divinity from the Academy of Integrated Christian Studies (AICS, Aizawl) in 2014 and Master of Theology in the department of Christian Ministry from the United Theological College, Bangalore in 2017. She is currently pursuing her Doctoral Research in Pastoral Care and Counselling under SATHRI, Serampore.

References:

[i] Baker, A. and S. Duncan. “Child Sexual Abuse: A Study of Prevalence in Great Britain.” In Child Abuse and Neglect: The Family and the Community. Edited by R. Heller and Kempe. Cambridge, MA: Ballinger, 1976. 

[ii] Cashman, Hilary. Christianity and Child Sexual Abuse. Great Britain: Society for Promoting Christian Knowledge, 1993.

[iii] Poling, James Newton. The Abuse of Power: A Theological Problem. Nashville: Abingdon Press, 1991.

[iv] Nienhuis, Nancy Eileen. “Theological Reflection on Violence and Abuse.” The Journal of Pastoral Care & Counseling 59/1-2 (Spring-Summer, 2005): 120-134.