The train is in motion. A man has to pee. He goes near the washroom but then turns back as he sees two people kissing. He turns back only to realize that one of them is his son. He goes back to confirm it and he vomits. It was for sure his son but only with another boy. This scene is from the movie Shubha Mangalam Jyada Sawadhan. Feeling nauseated is the general feeling or notion of people towards relationship of queer people. It is gross. It is dirty.
But today, I would like to share a testimony
of my friend from the other side.
After days of getting comfortable with each other, we had some questions for our friend. Of course, the first thing to always ask is, “How do you do it?” (We didn’t even say “sex” out loud because we were “chaste Christian girls,” sex was something only “characterless girls” speak about we were followers of "Virgin" Mary, Pure and Spotless). “And you know it is a sin, right?” (To our heteronormative minds, the only “fulfilling sex” can/should be between a man and a woman).
She smiled and said, “as it happens with all during teenage, I too, had a crush but the difference was, it was on a girl. Well I thought to myself it is just a passing phase. When I go to college, I will start liking a boy, I assured myself. I entered college and was trying my best to find a boy to fall in love with, to find him attractive, any boy. But I only discovered that a boy can only be my friend. I was not attracted to them in any other way. And then she entered my life. We were friends initially, but as time went by, my feelings for her changed. Her smile, her voice, the constant urge to be with her, to know her only grew intensely. It was beautiful. I would stay up and weep at nights. Ask God to take these feelings away from me. Was I not taught from my childhood that a man and a woman were to be together? The Bible says it. The very word of God! This was sin! I cannot feel this for another girl I have to feel this only for a boy. But what do I do with these strong feelings? I did not ask for them, no one forced me to have them! They are surely the work of Satan. The tussle of what I was taught and how strongly I felt, kept going on within me for several months. But then one day I surrendered. My struggle was like that of Jacob where God wrestled him on Peniel. It was in this wrestling that Jacob became Israel. The whole time that I thought I was fighting with Satan; it was actually God wrestling with me to unlearn this “filthy love.” In that place where I was made to feel dirty and filthy about myself (by the church and the society), I encountered God who breathed into me and reminded me that I was created in the very image of God. In that moment when I accepted myself, I became ALIVE!
Sin, is when you belittle people and are deaf to their stories because of your all-knowing ego. Sin is you, using God’s word to create hate and fear for people who are different, as they do not serve your patriarchal structures. Sin is your hearts of stone, which is stubborn not to understand that, love has to be the center in our quest for God. Sin is you being arrogant and dismissive, not to accept the life in abundance, which Christ promised, I am living it!”
Prayer
O
God of Life, we want to thank you for this beautiful world that you have
created in all its uniqueness and variety. The Creation gives us the glimpses
of your diverse nature. Lord, we have been ignorant and persistent in not accepting
our friends who are different from us. We have conveniently been blind to their
existence. Lord, strip us off of our ignorance and arrogance and fill our hearts
with your love so that we are able to see, listen and love one another. Amen.
**********
Author: Rev. Priscilla Rawade
About the Author: Priscilla is an ordained minister of the Church of North India. She completed her Bachelor of Divinity from Bishop’s College, Kolkata and her Master of Theology in Biblical Studies (Old Testament) from the United Theological College, Bangalore. She is currently teaching in the department of Biblical Studies (Old Testament) in Bishop’s College, Kolkata.
Thank you Rev. Priscilla Rawade for this very powerful write up. Hats off.
ReplyDeleteThank you B. Silpa Rani
DeleteI must really say, it's a powerful n strong message to understand and realize that being Christian or following Christianity doesn't bestow us with not seeing ourselves as to what we really need and want, and am thankful to Rev.priscilla Rawade for sharing this. We need more n more of people like you to come ahead and speak on this even wen you are on the pulpit in front of God for the rest of the people to hear n feel this messages and testimonies. Much love Barsha
ReplyDeleteThank you Barsha...
DeleteAwesome!!! Very well put up. Good wishes!!!
ReplyDeleteThank you
DeleteAs a Rev please don't go by your feelings, hearsay and predominant notions of our times to define sin or truth, define it by the word of the God. To sin either passively or actively is a choice that we have and all our choices have consequences for good or for bad, and we ourselves are responsible for those consequences. It is a choice of our will to do good or to go against God's will. Every person knows very well exactly when he or she has acted against God's will, and the result is guilt, shame and fear. We cannot blame these consequences as a result of church, or Bible or society, it is the natural consequence of sin and as you might know that the consequences of sin is death how much ever liberated, fredom or equality and tolerance is given one cannot escape from the consequences of open rebellion and sin against God and His will. So we cannot make something white how much ever we try to whitewash it, be it a pastor or a Christian leader, as a teacher we need to be even more careful as we are judged by a higher and stricter standard by God. Please do not mislead God's people as a false teacher.
ReplyDeleteI think God doesn't have a strict standard of judgeing...it is the people who do... And we need to stop deciding everything based on sin... I think the inherent message in the reflection is respecting peoples choices..
DeleteDiscerning the word and it's interpretation of it can be different for different people... The beauty of the Word is that it is open for interpretation and it speaks to All. So I feel Rev Priscilla is right in her interpretation ..she is talking for those who are marginalised because of people like you who only know to think from their own perspective and do not even try to understand the feelings of the LGBTQI community... Who sits at a higher vantage point and thinks they are not sinning just because they are having sex with the opposite sex.
DeleteDear Friend... Firstly thank you so much for taking out time reading the blog and giving your thoughts and your opinion. Well the slavery was justified using the Scripture. Women were asked to be Silent and denied ordination using the Scripture... The Dalits were told they had "sinned" in the past and so were born as the outcaste... The "Sin" has always been defined and used by the people in power to keep others in control... I believe God is love... Hence loving someone can never be a sin... May God open your heart and fill it with love... And may God be gracious and merciful enough to guide me if I am misleading God's people... Priscilla Rawade
DeleteGuilt comes out of the idea that is put in mind and you accept it anyway. You do it, you feel it's wrong then you feel guilty. When you do and your know it's right , you won't feel guilty.. many Christians specially superior ones control people with guilt and shame, so many pastors, theologian abuse in the name of discipline... This article is worth reading.. I am glad you accepted the way God made you.
DeleteMisleading and impractical article. Whether a rev or theologian reflecting. They miss a point of doing theology. Most of the theologians or revs talks about the issue, they never involved in and the author of this article looks like she never worked or lived among LGBT community. Taking some commentary and cooks up with a story is not reflection. It requires personal experience first.
ReplyDeleteOne more thing is that I would encourage you to read the entire Bible before you comment, because all theologians read the entire Bible and based on that they reflect.
DeleteYou are being very judgemental in what you are saying. It seems lik you saw how the author prepared the reflection. Well if you seem to know so much and decide for what God should love or what God should condemn you automatically take an equal place as God, which is blasphemous... It would be appreciative of you to learn from real stories as much as possible, if you are not able to accept not a problem you can continue to search how God would stil condemn. But belittling someone's story on the basis of you assumption is simply unacceptable.
I don't understand how you can just assume the author of the reflection has never worked among the community... The fact that you have absolutely no idea what you are talking about is very apparent from your comments..
DeleteDear Friend if you can kindly tell me what according to you should be the point of doing theology, it'll be very helpful... Priscilla Rawade
ReplyDeleteVinod shemron.... I am not "very" judgemental. Or not "judgemental", I wrote the facts that you couldn't digest. You only read real stories and I live real story. It is the problem with you as a theologian only reflect and not act. Who doesn't entire Bible? Only theologians? Sunday school kids read too.
ReplyDeletePriscilla rawade...my point doing theology is directly involved in issue which you are addressing.
I believe that God is love, He loves each one of us unconditionally, I also believe that God is truth and He is a righteous judge and He connot go against His character or work against His own attribute. He loves the LGBTQ just like how he loves any other sinner like me and you, He loves the murderer, the corrupt and the wicked, but He doesn't condone our sin or our sinful choices or lifestyles, He doesn't compromise with it, He doesn't tolerate it in His love, He doesn't put it under the carpet and say It is okay I love you, don't worry about the sin, He dealt with it once and for all on the cross, He send His son to pay for it with His blood and found a solution for man's biggest problem. That is His justice. We cannot take that lightly, and telling the truth is not judging or being intolerant, I love the LGBTQ, I don't condemn or judge them, I reach out to them and help them know Jesus and His transforming power and love, I pray that God will deliver out of bondage and have seen and heard stories of life transformation among them, that is what we are called to do, being salt and light ,not to join them and condone their actions, you might not like this view point, just that tolerance is a two way street, most of the people who advocate tolerance show their hypocrisy the moment they hear a differing view or are challenged on their view point.
ReplyDeleteDear Friend, i am very happy that you are working with the SOGI Communtiy. But I also have been with the people and heard them narrating stories how they want to end their lives because of the forced preachings that they get from people. I agree with you, tolerance is two way street and it is hypocrisy when we are challenged by differing view points. You have your stories and experiences and I have mine. May God bless us both to do the right thing.
DeleteVery well written!
ReplyDeleteThank you
Deletewe need to listen to such truth telling straight to us...what a style of narration!! More strength you, Priscilla!
ReplyDeleteThank you Akka...
DeleteVery well challenging broaden up understanding....thank you so much Rev. Priscilla.
ReplyDeleteThank you for this reflection. The testimony presented seems like the author has used a real story of another theologian. What is disappointing is such people need someone else's help to tell their story to the world. I am sorry that i am part of this sinful world that has put you in such a state. Thank you Rev. Priscilla for speaking the words of your friend. You are an inspiration.
ReplyDeleteGreat one ... May God hear our prayers Amen
ReplyDelete