S1-Day 4: God in Dirty Places: Witness of the (Un)recognised Domesticated Woman

Intriguing Verse/ line: “Battling through life’s struggles, the pain and trauma it leaves behind, hindering not the bond but there is a funeral in my brain.”

These words were penned down on the night of International Women’s Day when I chose to live away from my parents. My dad coerced me into staying away from home because I questioned his drinking habits and the abuse he constantly inflicted on my mother. The violence was layered and cyclical and was always reciprocated with submission by my mother.

I hail from a Christian family, whose mother was born a Hindu Brahmin but converted to Christianity due to marriage. It happened against the wishes of her family. This inter-religious and inter-caste marriage did not bring in a blissful experience for her. The man she loved and more over trusted failed to recognize her as a human being. He was socialized with toxic masculine temperaments which made him inflict physical, economic, emotional and psychological violence on her. She was denied of a sense of belonging, her own earnings and her dignity.

I often wondered, what could have been the crucial reason for this non recognition? There was a reason my mother once mentioned “I came away from my home with nothing.” It got me thinking that this nothing-ness was not seen as a problem when marriage talks were discussed, but when difficulties arose my mother was blamed. She was asked to bring money for a new house as one of the compensations for not "bringing" money when she should have! When my mother went back to her family she was never recognized there too, she was an “outcaste” now. She was served food in a plastic plate, made to sit separately, not allowed to cook in the kitchen let alone even enter that space and was constantly tormented for her decision of marrying my father. But the money was given because she happened to be a woman and had no place in her own ancestral home. Where does she belong then? She remains invisible and vulnerable throughout. She internalized her status of being nowhere.

So my mother played the expected role of being a woman – a dutiful wife, a self-sacrificial mother, an obedient daughter-in-law and no role was appreciated. Giving in to sex with my dad was always a given and never consensual. Marital rape never existed in their dictionary. My mother does not enjoy hugs and is traumatized by any kind of touch even today because of her traumatic encounters.

As I listen to these stories, I stand up to resist. Wondering if my education has “ruined” my thinking because it was breaking my family’s functioning. But I realized, I had to do so as one’s story has the power to malign lives or humanize. It could break the dignity of people but it could also bring back that dignity. It is in this brokenness and vulnerability where God chose to reveal the most.

I resisted, I spoke up. Pandora’s box, of troubles, was unraveled and both my mother and I sensed a kind of relief in and through that resistance. I’ve wondered, if God had to mould a bold voice in me through the silent voicelessness of my mother? I do not have a complete answer but I believe as 2^nd Corinthians 12. 10 says “for when I am weak, then I am strong”, God has met us in many ways through our lived vulnerabilities. God has equipped me to resist and has fought the battle for my mother and me. This has made me a resilient individual who witnessed the working of faith through love. The idea of picking up myself and moving on has made me believe I can influence and empower many more lives acknowledging that the power of Christ will be revealed through my weakness. Through a renewed identity in Christ I hope and believe that you would acknowledge how God recognizes us in our vulnerabilities, teaches resistance and nurtures resilience in our lives.  

Prayer:

Dear God, we pray that you may give us the strength to face our weaknesses. Help us to acknowledge that you are a God who recognizes us in our vulnerabilities, teaches us to resist and nurtures us to be resilient individuals with a renewed identity in you. Grant us the wisdom and understanding to live lives pleasing to your purpose. In Christ's name we pray, Amen.

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Author: Remains Anonymous