I have not experienced what it is like to be a parent. Hence, making a statement on parenthood from my unexperienced point of view may sound naïve on the pathos and struggles of parenthood. Yet, while in conversation with single parents and mostly single ‘mothers’ on parenthood, the immediate and frequent response is… “being a single mother is tiring and financially demanding because of the societal pressure to meet the standards of two-parent complementary household and the perfect mother.” Such responses sum up the societal theory of what a family should be like if you want to be included in the perfect social circle. To this, why the perfect mother and why even try to fulfill the societal dream of a perfect normative family? Such questions find its meaning only when we unravel what it means to be ‘Single.’
‘Single’ is inherently reduced to being incomplete and wanting. Let alone ‘Single Parenting’ being deficient and lacking because of its inability to fit into the normative family structure that consist of both a mother and a father with children. Such conception keeps orbiting to the extent of demeaning the existence of single parent families as broken families. The society continue to exist on such conception because, the normative/nuclear family is a cultural construction. However, from the Biblical account on parenthood, the normative/nuclear family already has its counter narrative. The story of Hagar is one among the many.
Genesis 16 and 21 accounts the existence of single parenthood through Hagar, challenging the very notion of the normative family in the Old Testament. She was cast away by those who were supposed to provide support, which many single mothers/parents can identify themselves with. Yet, God makes a promise directly to Hagar without referencing a man/gender, the father of her child, Abraham. Despite her singleness and the rejection, Hagar found favor in God. Hagar’s narrative is the paradigm on which we as Christians must find the essence of being Single, which is not incomplete and wanting, but ‘Wholly Single’ finding favor in God.
Today what are the kind of languages that we use in our conversations and churches for that matter? By language I intend, the reference to ‘family’ or ‘families’ acknowledging the fact that there exists plurality of families to which we should be sensitive towards. How far have we included families of single parents in the plethora of the church’s discussions? In what forms have we endorsed the ideal two-parent households over single parenthood? The questions are endless to this because there is little that we as followers of Christ have done towards the theology of single parenting.
Thus what is imperative is, Discovering and Recognizing plurality of families and normalizing the process of single parenthood by choice or out of precarious circumstances. Single parents are vital members of the Reign of God and anyone, in my opinion marking a single parent as someone to be pitied, does not rise even to the dignity of error.
Prayer
Gracious God, manifest your presence in the lives of single parents. May you grant them physical and mental well-being. In times of tire need, may you grant them support through the community surrounding them. May your assurance of favor be always upon them. Amen.
Author: Nokcharenla
About the Author: Nokcharenla hails from Dimapur, Nagaland. She belongs to Dimapur Ao Baptist Church. She earned her Bachelor of Divinity from Bishop’s College, Kolkata and her Master of Theology in Biblical Studies (Old Testament) from North India Institute of Post Graduate Theological Studies (NIIPGTS), Kolkata.
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